For me to make real progress in this program, I had to realize that I wanted to smoke pot — was good at it, craved it, etc. — AND I wanted to quit. Both of those things are true. When I realized that, I was able to accept the fact that I was an addict, and I quit beating myself up for wanting to get high. I was able to say, “Okay, I want to get high, and I want to quit, and for today I will choose, with the help of others and my higher power, to not smoke pot.”
That’s what worked for me. The other thing I do is, if I can’t figure out what I want, I look at what I have. If I don’t know what I want to do, I look at what I’m doing. So when I complain about my problems instead of working on them, I have to honestly admit that at this moment what I want is to complain, not to work. Realizing that helps me move towards deciding to work.
So when I hear somebody say they’d rather get high through the holidays and decorate their house than go to an MA meeting, I think to myself, “That is true and honest.” I do NOT judge that person, because I know that person is doing the best they can, and being honest in a meeting. I also think that as long as an addict thinks that way, they’ll keep smoking pot, and/or suffering from terrible cravings and guilt. When that addict is able to say, “I want to get high, and I want to get sober,” they’ll be on the road to making a different decision — one that will bring different results.
I hope some of this makes sense to somebody!