Driving home after a pleasant evening with an attractive woman. Ought to be a happy time, or so it seems. And yet there’s regret. Just can’t seem to get out of my head and tell her I like her, that I am attracted to her, that I’d like to kiss her. Same old thing. Determined leaving home, frustrated coming back.
Lots of shouldas and couldas on these nights. Lot of thoughts, and doubts about those thoughts. Maybe “it” just isn’t happening, and maybe it’s not my job as the male to “make” things happen. Maybe my lack of “action” will look like a lack of interest, or worse, a lack of manliness. Either one will chase her off, and pretty soon. We all have stuff to work through, and getting started with somebody is risky, so we’re constantly weighing those against the rewards. What’s the reward of a guy who acts like he’s marginally interested and not attracted, or all up in his head? Or is he just a gentleman who’s taking his time? She doesn’t know. Neither do I.
Do I tell her? Push through? Walk away? Or do what I always do: feel frustrated, swear it’ll be different next time, and then lose myself in fantasy? Works in the short term, but always brings me back to the old familiar frustration.