an email to my sponsor:
I was at a Buddhist meditation group Friday night at the church, and the topic was facing fears so they won’t dominate us. One of the fears mentioned was the fear of alone-ness, and the light came on in my head: that’s why I make such a big deal out of this dating stuff — it triggers that fear, and I get overwhelmed by it. And my whole thing with women is trying to assuage that fear of alone-ness. I approach them saying, “Please don’t reject me and make me be all alone,” and like you say, that ain’t a very attractive trait. Doomed to fail, and the fear (ego) is proven right.