My share on the Recovery Pipeline
Man, this one hits close to home! I realized this morning I haven’t meditated in a week, am constantly running around, and yet always feel behind.
I am addicted to “busy-ness,” and for the life of me, I can’t figure out what I am avoiding. Whenever somebody asks what I would do without all this stuff to do, I say exercise, meditate, read, write, spend quality time with friends — all GREAT stuff.
The other aspect I’m aware of is pure people-pleasing. I am a compulsive volunteer. I always want to play hero/leader and say yes to everything so people will like me.
I think both of these things stem from the same root: low self-esteem. I probably think I don’t deserve peace and happiness, and I think I need to act a certain way to gain acceptance, and in both ways that leads me to act in crazy ways, which gets me crazy results.
So, as always, low self-esteem leads to craziness. Pot used to play a central role in that process, now it’s character defects. And this topic is a great reminder.